


what a tinderbox we live in

by earlymorningechoes



Series: nataliya lavellan: trying to bloom in snow [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 12:45:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7508794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlymorningechoes/pseuds/earlymorningechoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>News arrives about Clan Lavellan, and old wounds are opened in unexpected ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what a tinderbox we live in

    “You're the only one who can sneak up on me,” Nataliya says, recovering from the start she’d gotten when Leliana suddenly appeared next to her. She goes back to kneading the lump of bread dough in her hands, trying not to get flour over absolutely everything. The pouring rain, heavy enough to cause multiple people to crack jokes about trading with the Storm Coast, has forced everyone inside.

    “I've had practice,” Leliana answers, reaching for a cutting board when the cook hands her a bunch of carrots. They work next to each other in easy silence - Nataliya knows that Leliana will speak when she's ready.

    “There's been news,” she says finally, punctuating her statement with a particularly heavy chop of her knife. Nataliya's head snaps up to focus on the spymaster, forgetting the flour on her hands as she grips her forearms to ground herself.

    “Josie?” she asks wildly, the air around her cooling noticeably as her emotions threaten to overwhelm her control. They've only been together a few months, but Nataliya already feels that she's given her heart to the Antivan woman. Josephine is currently on a trip to Val Royeaux, scheduled to be gone for another week and a half, and even if something has happened, there's no way the world will stay calm enough for Nataliya to stay at Skyhold waiting for her girlfriend.

    “No, no, not Josie,” Leliana says hurriedly, giving an apologetic half smile as Nataliya's clenched muscles begin to relax. She goes back to chopping vegetables as she waits for the Inquisitor, knowing the rhythmic sound of her knife will help calm frayed nerves.

    “What is it, then?” Nataliya asks, unable to affect politeness and unworried about Leliana's reaction. Pulling the dough back toward her, she holds her hands above the lump but doesn't return to kneading. Leliana continues chopping, handing the pile of carrot pieces to a passing kitchen servant before she speaks.

    “You remember Josie sent word to the Duke of Wycome to ask for protection for your clan?” she asks, knowing full well that Nataliya does remember but wanting to tread lightly on this topic. “The duke has sent word that we were too late. The bandits were too much for the clan, and most of those who were left have scattered.”

    Nataliya sits ramrod-straight and perfectly still for a moment before punching her dough ball much harder than necessary, earning herself a glare from the cook. Leliana doesn’t react, instead holding out a letter, which Nataliya grabs roughly before stalking angrily out of the room. Watching her go, Leliana weighs the relative merit of following her or leaving her to her own devices for the moment. Choosing the latter, she finishes her carrots before standing, heading for the stairs that will lead her back to the rookery.

\-----------

    A few hours later, Leliana hears familiar footsteps on the stairs and laughs briefly. “Even you can't sneak up on me,” she tells Nataliya, whose head pops up above the stairs with a grin on her face that's not trying hard to reach her eyes.

    “I could try going through the Fade,” she jokes, comfortable enough around the spymaster to crack about her magic. Her face quickly falls flat again, though, and Leliana leads the way out onto the balcony. Leaning on the railing, Nataliya stares out at the sun’s dying light and the beginnings of the stars.

    “Seven years,” she says, and Leliana nods in agreement. Seven years since the Keeper of Clan Lavellan let his jealousy over Nataliya's talent get the better of him and forced her out to spy on humans ‘for the clan.’ Seven years since Leliana had met a scared, stubborn elf with wild winter magic who had never been on her own before, trying to take care of herself with no money and no goods to trade. Seven years since Leliana taught the Dalish spy how to actually be a spy, adding her to the ranks of her own agents.

   “I was perfect!” she nearly shouts, the pain in her voice searing through the air. “Everything he said he wanted in a First! Proud to be an elf, proud to be Dalish, strong and confident in my magic. And he...he…” She turns away from the railing and paces their end of the balcony, forming and destroying icicles in her palm. “He took it all away,” she finishes, crushing the ice left in her hand and scattering it over the stones.

    Her anger is cold and harsh and unforgiving, just like her ice. Like a glacier, her temper is slow-moving and heavy, and once it gets going it can destroy everything in its path. But now it trickles out of her like snowmelt, spent after seven years, and she sags against the railing with twilight deepening around her. She holds out a hand, showing Leliana what she brought up with her - two letters, both from Keeper Istimaethorial, addressed to the Inquisition at large even when supposedly speaking just to her.

    “These are the first letters I've gotten in years,” she says hollowly. “I kept working, kept trying to make him let me come back, trying to prove I wasn't trying to undermine him or something. The Conclave…” her voice trails off as she sighs in resignation. “I thought that if I could give him information from the highest levels of the Chantry, he'd understand that I wanted the same things he did, that I wanted to protect our clan. But that was never what he wanted, was it?”

    “I don't think so, no,” Leliana says. She turns to light the lantern hanging by the door before joining Nataliya at the railing. “You can't know exactly what he wanted, but I don't think it was ever what was best for anyone.”

    Sighing, the elf nods. “I lost the rest of them a long time ago too,” she says, confirming Leliana’s suspicions that the other members of the clan hadn't wanted to risk their Keeper’s wrath for the outcast. The stigma of leaving the insular clan was strong, even for someone who technically hadn't left. She also wouldn't put it past the envious Keeper to embellish the story in his favor.

    As they stand together, a raven wheels past them and through the still-open door, squawking to its fellows as it settles onto a perch. Leliana follows its path with her eyes, her gaze soft as the raven tucks its head under its wing to sleep. Watching the spymaster with her birds, Nataliya's heart squeezes briefly - not unpleasantly, but almost as a reminder.

    “The way I see it,” Leliana says suddenly, “is that you can dwell on what happened, and on what you lost, and let yourself drown the way you nearly did seven years ago. Or you can remember what you've built and, Maker willing, keep going.” She walks back inside, gently pushing a raven off a stack of unopened letters.

    Her blunt words hurt, but that's Leliana, and Nataliya knows she's right. More icicles grow and shrink in her hands as she thinks, the steady sounds of ravens and of Leliana shuffling papers comforting against the background of Skyhold’s night. As Leliana reaches for her quill to begin answering the never-ending stream of reports and missives, Nataliya points and freezes the inkwell. Grinning impishly, she gives a shrug of feigned innocence when Leliana looks up, barely able to keep from bursting into laughter.

    Leliana does laugh, warm and bright in a way she isn't often recently, and sets the unusable inkwell aside. She tilts her head towards the stairs, eyes dancing. “What do you say we find a real party?” she asks, echoing the oft-told story of how she met Josephine. Nataliya nods, following Leliana back down the stairs.

    “Let’s do.”


End file.
